Going from paper dolls, Barbie and Betsy McCall into no toys, makeup and kissing boys, was a girl who had to overcome a lot of changes. Some changes were easy and some were not so smooth. The summer before my 7th year of school and my 13th birthday I kissed my first boy or rather he kissed me. I was very nervous, very scared and very excited all at the same time. Nervous because I had never been kissed by a boy before; scared because I was afraid Mom saw us (we were on the front porch of my house); and excited because the kiss felt nice. I thought I had arrived! I kissed someone before I became a teenager! Whoopee!
Let me backup a few months. Brenda was still my closest girlfriend and was with me most of the time. My cousin, Kathy, who lived with my grandmother, was also around a lot because Mom was often helping my grandmother. Kathy, her sister Marie, Aunt Edith, my great grandmother and my grandmother lived in a two bedroom, 1 bath apartment. Around this time, my dad bought a house for my grandmother (Dad’s mother-in-law). All who lived in the apartment moved into the house. Aunt Edith worked a lot; my grandmother “watched” the girls and took care of her mother, Aunt Dollie. Aunt Dollie was my great grandmother and she had a stroke and was confined to her bedroom. She always had the Bible and lemon drop candy next to her. When I would see her she ALWAYS had a smile on her face. My grandmother became sick with deep depression and had a breakdown so Mom had to help her a lot! The house was on top of a hill with a lot of steps to climb. Once you climbed the stairs to reach flat ground, there were about 5-6 more to climb to get into the house! For someone who couldn’t climb the stairs normally it was an ordeal. Mom had to help me with each step. Not only did she help me but she had to help my little brother, Jimmy.
At that time my brother Jimmy was about 5-6 years old. When he was a toddler and learning to walk it was discovered he had the same disease I have –spinal muscular atrophy. This disease is usually harder on males than females. By the time he was in the 5th grade, (9-10 years old) he was using a wheelchair most of the time. I didn’t require a wheelchair until I was in the 10th grade (16 years old) and even then I didn’t use it all the time. Today, Jim is a wonderful man who loves the Lord. He has accomplished a lot. But, this blog isn’t about him. I would love to tell his story but for some reason God wants me to write mine.
Back to visiting my grandmother –Maw as we called her. Mom made sure I made it into the house. My cousins, Kathy & Marie had 2 bedrooms in the basement of the house. So, in order to go to Kathy’s room I had to go downstairs. And the basement steps were steep. I would drop to the floor and scoot my behind down each step. I would do the same going back up. Going up stairs was an even greater challenge; gravity fought against me the whole way. Which is harder and easier for you? Walking up stairs or walking down stairs?
Kathy and I played with our Barbie dolls a lot. We had the ENTIRE set –Ken, Midge, Allen, etc. Kathy allowed her Barbie & Ken to kiss each other so I thought I should do the same. When we weren’t playing with Barbie we played cowboys. Each of us had a make believe boyfriend. I can’t remember Kathy’s boyfriend but mine was ……OK………here it comes……..Kurt Russell! He played in several Disney movies in the 1960’s. We girls were “growing up”! Around this time something was taking over my body and mind. It was a monster called……………hormones!! By the time I was in the 5th grade (11 years old) I looked like a black hairy animal so Mom allowed me to shave under my arms and my legs. By the 6th grade (11 years old) I was growing breast and started my monthly curse! Between Brenda & Kathy, I was alone in experiencing this monster.
Kathy kept talking about kissing boys and Brenda & I kept rolling our eyes. Kathy was “interested” in boys long before I was but I have to say she got my curiosity up. After that 1st kiss I was hooked! With Brenda I never had to prove I was physically the same as she but with Kathy I did. Kathy never said anything about my handicap but her actions spoke volumes. Understand I felt left out when it came to Kathy and her friends. We didn’t run in the same circle. Later on in life God showed me why we didn’t have the same friends. He was taking care of me even though I wasn’t living for Him.
Middle school was a time for a lot of change. Not only was I one with a handicap but I was the only girl in school with big breasts! I was short, skinny and the boys saw me coming. No matter what I did everyone knew me! The boys looked with grins and the girls looked with jealousness. My nickname was “BOOB”! I was embarrassed but at the same time I liked the attention. The most popular boy in school started to like me. We liked each other. Yes, we even kissed and held hands. When we broke up he subscribed to PLAYBOY Magazine using my name & address. Needless to say Mom didn’t like it but she knew I didn’t do it! At the time I thought it was funny…….I still chuckle about it. I did get into trouble …a lot …for talking and being the class clown. You are surprised? OK, maybe not.
I couldn’t go down to the cafeteria for lunch so I ate lunch in one of the classrooms on 2nd floor. One year, my cousin Debra, broke her leg, so she ate lunch with me. That time meant a lot to me because she started to understand my situation. Before this time she and I did not talk to one another a lot.
Some classes did not run smoothly for me because some classes weren’t offered in the morning on the upper floors. Science and math were two of those courses. The school library was located on the 2nd floor so while everyone went to science class on third floor, I went to the library. The science teacher was supposed to give me assignments to work on and help me periodically. She gave me one assignment with a test and I made a C. Well, I guess she figured I was an average student and gave me C’s on every report period without doing any work! What middle school student would not love that deal? The same was done with math classes. I did go to classes but I was put in classes that were available. When scheduling my 9th grade classes, I went to talk with the Asst. Principal about Algebra. I knew I had to be in a class for Algebra. He said to me “Vicky, you won’t be going to college anyway so don’t worry about it!” I cannot begin to tell you how I felt, between my science teacher and the Asst. Principal’s comment. For the first time in my life, I didn’t fight back but took “no” for an answer.
I do remember, when I started middle school, others were just allowing me to breeze through school. What I mean by ‘others’ was teachers, principals and many adult family members –but not Mom! Yes, I heard them all talking. But Mom believed in me. Mom was my advocate. Mom took up for me. I ALWAYS felt secure with her. I never told her, until recently, about the advice I received concerning school. Mom saw me as a person with feelings and a person with a future, not as a person with limitations that couldn’t be overcome.
Before I go into my High School years, there’s something else I want to say. I knew I had a handicap but I never looked at myself as “handicapped.” Yes, I did have challenges but I dealt with those challenges. I knew I couldn’t change my condition but I could deal with the situations when those challenging situations came up. Growing up I felt loved and secure. I was happy most of the time. My smiles were evidence of my security. I believed I was a Christian. Praying was done every day. Praying to God or talking to Christ, whichever you want to call it. I talked to Him in my mind, not at a set time and not on my knees. He knew my feelings, thoughts and rebellion. He knew my heart. No, I didn’t live FOR Him but for myself as I was growing up. But HE HAD HIS HAND ON ME!! He took care of me and loved me regardless of my thoughts and actions. He HAD plans for me. Looking back I see His hand all through my life.
Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message) says: “Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.”
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